Spoof Press release

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Spoof Press release

Postby davh62 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:19 pm

In a series of tweets taking many in government and the science world by storm, FG General davh62 has announced his intention to construct a wall around the Solar System, to prevent further illegal Ramish immigration of dark matter.


"Invading invisible particles, folks! We don't know really what they are. We don't. We just don't know. We know they are wimps, we know that they weakly integrate, that they worm their way inside us without our knowing, they seem to be multiplying. Disgusting!"

He went on. "Taking up space that could be used by good, normal matter. And they are massive! They interfere with us. We cannot ignore this threat. Can't you feel them? Passing between your atoms like a hole in a fence?"

"They don't belong here. It's obvious. But you can't even turn them out of bed at five in the morning, put them on a bus, and send the sons a b*tch*s back."

UNCA Representatives have expressed the organisation's surprise by simply standing in front of a press conference in Prime distractedly shaking their heads.

UNCA Spokesman RAM has explained that davh62 "Accidentally turned on the Discovery Channel trying to find Fox Galactic News and watched a thing about dark matter. We tried to calm him down, but once he has neuro in his veins, well, he won't let go. So suck it up. he's intending to build a wall".

The contract to construct this dark matter impermeable wall billions of miles away is worth up to $500 Quintillion, and has been seen as drug fueled lunacy. FG have not previously demonstrated competence in the space engineering, asteroid mining, or exotic matter manufacturing, having mostly imported premium mangoes from notorious dictatorships. The cost is to be met from increased trade resulting from deregulating the labour laws, involving space ejection of all objectors which "have been holding back FG companies for centuries."
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Re: Press release

Postby Moneyman » Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:50 pm

:mrgreen: Hah! Black devils indeed ... Seems you haven't met the Witness or the Messengers or the voice of Time, himself. :?:

:idea: Never heard of the Twelve Monkeys (currently running) killing the Primaries of Time :!:

:?: Never been in the Red Forest :?: Black is no matter and yesterday's news. Wimps, indeed. :!:
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Re: Spoof Press release

Postby RAM » Sat Apr 29, 2017 2:08 pm

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We can build that wall for you once we get done with the dog houses we are on right now.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2187733/Amish-fastest-growing-religious-groups-US.html

And it ain't dark matter, it is road apples.

Even when you kick us out, we come back.

https://youtu.be/FQ9FJ3ltukU

Our missionaries have even gotten into the Borg. Why do you think they have vacated this sector? Even the borg could not assimilate us.

Resistance is futile, davh.

But not much to fear.

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But when you are not around...

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Your continued threats have made us start some new construction though.

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Never doubt our power to shape and move culture. We may be silent, but we are ever working.

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Now you know how it happened.

But never doubt the power of the rAMISH.

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Re: Spoof Press release

Postby RAM » Sat Apr 29, 2017 2:12 pm

And, yes, we know how to have fun.

https://youtu.be/s2TKQma7ijw
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Re: Spoof Press release

Postby davh62 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 4:29 pm

Mauwwwaahhh! Brilliant! :lol:
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Re: Spoof Press release

Postby Moneyman » Sat Apr 29, 2017 8:40 pm

davh62 wrote:Mauwwwaahhh! Brilliant! :lol:


:mrgreen: You are right. When the Amish put on an assault, they are unstoppable. :)
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Re: Spoof Press release

Postby LadyHawk » Sat Apr 29, 2017 9:59 pm

<Applause> Bravo! Encore!

Haven't had as good a laugh for a very long time :lol:

Thanks Dav and Ram!
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Re: Spoof Press release

Postby davh62 » Sat May 06, 2017 9:55 pm

A UNCA Technician and Whistleblower has revealed that most Astronauts 'don't know squat about physics ' and only want to get to Outer Space to 'get laid', by 'easy, well-endowed Martians, who put out'.


The UNCA Insider claims that ''Astronauts are a bunch of no-brained SOBs."

Space Explorations cost hundreds of millions of credits and are highly prestigious for the corporations involved.

Chet Aldrihinne, allegedly the brother-in-law of the Great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great Buzz Aldrin (with weirdly and questionably similar surname) says:

''It's all a crock of s**t, man. When them Astronauts get up there, they just float around in non gravity, callin' up their wives on Viber 'n moanin' that there ain't no Tacos on the Menu."

Chet was later seen furiously rubbing his gums and gibbering at Ceres space station.
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Re: Spoof Press release

Postby Moneyman » Mon May 08, 2017 7:20 pm

davh62 wrote:A UNCA Technician and Whistleblower has revealed that most Astronauts 'don't know squat about physics ' and only want to get to Outer Space to 'get laid', by 'easy, well-endowed Martians, who put out'.


The UNCA Insider claims that ''Astronauts are a bunch of no-brained SOBs."

Space Explorations cost hundreds of millions of credits and are highly prestigious for the corporations involved.

Chet Aldrihinne, allegedly the brother-in-law of the Great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great Buzz Aldrin (with weirdly and questionably similar surname) says:

''It's all a crock of s**t, man. When them Astronauts get up there, they just float around in non gravity, callin' up their wives on Viber 'n moanin' that there ain't no Tacos on the Menu."

Chet was later seen furiously rubbing his gums and gibbering at Ceres space station.


:mrgreen: :lol: No sign of the ramish half buggy. Must be moving the rocks back to the mountain.
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Re: Spoof Press release

Postby RAM » Mon May 08, 2017 9:50 pm

rAMISH get Automatic Post Hole Digger

Although they are known to shun fancy things, RAM, the leader of the rAMISH, was heard stating that he got a new post hole digger to dig all the holes in his new fence.

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Ban cheese slicers. Make Apollo Sector grate again!
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