jokes

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Solx

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jokes

Postby Solx » Tue Dec 23, 2014 2:31 am

i was telling a joke in the game but most people did not get all of it from the limited words allowed in the chat and i was asked to post it here..


so jesius and moses were hanging out one day. borard silly. jesesus sugested they go play some golf. moses saID well ok but you know you gong to have to give me a handy cap. it was ok so they headed out.

slong the way they saw this old guy feeding the birds on a park bench. but there were no birds around at the time and he also look board. so they invited him to go with them to play some golf.

moses steped up to the tee and hit his ball and it hooked rather badly and was heading off to the water trap. he raised his club and the waters parted and the ball rolled up onto the green.... 2 feet from the hole!!!

jesus turn and he hit his ball with some extra power and it sliced horably, he rased his hand and motioned to the wind, the wind grabed the ball and corrected it and it landed 1 foot fro the hole.

the old guy steped up and kinda hit the ball. it dribbled a few feet of the tee. just then a squrell saw the ball thinking it was a giant nut. raced down a tree over to the tee and grabed the ball, as it was heading to another tree, down the fair way an owl saw the squrell swooped down anf grabed it. just as the squrell died it droped the ball. and it ploped right into the hole.

well needless to say moses and jessus were compleetly surprized. then jesus reached over to the old guy and patted him on the back saying "Nice shot dad"
Last edited by Solx on Tue Dec 23, 2014 4:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: jokes

Postby Solx » Tue Dec 23, 2014 2:43 am

the only other joke i know also got lost in the words of the game chat. it goes like this.

now my sister is totaly blond and she hates it when people tell dumb blond jokes.

one day she came up to me mad as one could be. she told me of this blond she yelled at.

she was driving down the gravel road next to a farmers field early on in the growing season. when she spotted this blond out in a growing corn field rowing a boat. she slammed on her breaks and ran up to the fence yelling.

"Your the reason us blonds have a bad name!!! and if i could swim i would swim out there and kick your but."
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Re: jokes

Postby Agamemnon » Thu Dec 25, 2014 3:55 am

This is he cleanest filthy-mouth joke I know of...and one of the few I can ever remember...

A dad and 2 sons go out to a Sunday morning breakfast at (IHOP/Wafflehouse fill in blank). They sit down at a booth and pick up the menus to look at what they want to order. A "Flo" looking waitress comes up to them chomping on her gum and looks at the two boys. The nearest to her, a boy about 12 looks at his menu intensely. She asks the boy what he wants to order.

The boy says, "I want a god damn cheeseburger"! loudly and all the customers around them look around.

The dad shocked at what he hears, whaps the boy right across the mouth for cussing in public on a Sunday. He starts balling loudly. The waitress is just awe-struck at the situation and pauses for a moment.

She then looks at the Dad and then the other little boy about age 6. She asks the 6 yr old what he would like to order.

The 6yr old looks at the menu intensely again, then looks at his dad, then at his brother and then looks up at the waitress and says.

"Well i'm not sure, but i'm definitely not going to order a mother-@#$%ing cheeseburger!"

LOLOLROFLMAO
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Re: jokes

Postby rmartz » Thu Dec 25, 2014 5:05 am

My all time favorite joke:

Three guys walk into a bar.

The fourth one ducked.
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Re: jokes

Postby Johneaux » Tue Jan 13, 2015 11:50 am

A blonde went to an electronic store in Manhattan and asked, “How much is this TV ?”

The salesman said, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.”

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.”

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes.”

She replied, “I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde ?”

“Because that is not a TV, it’s a microwave.”
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Re: jokes

Postby Johneaux » Tue Jan 13, 2015 11:51 am

Three blondes were taking a walk in the woods when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those must be deer tracks!”

The second blonde said, “No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!”

The third blondie said, “No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!”

They where still arguing when the train hit them.
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Re: jokes

Postby Johneaux » Tue Jan 13, 2015 11:54 am

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair dyed so she would look like a brunette.

Once her hair was brown she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blond looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”

The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”
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Re: jokes

Postby Johneaux » Tue Jan 13, 2015 12:09 pm

A little girl asked her father: “Where did the human race come from?”

The father answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.’

A couple of days later the little girl asked her mother the same question.

The mother answered, ‘Many years ago there were some monkeys from which the human race evolved.’

The confused girl returned to her father and said, ‘Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said we evolved from monkeys?’

The father answered, ‘Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.’
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Re: jokes

Postby Agamemnon » Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:25 pm

The father answered, ‘Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.’


LOLOL So true...that's an awesome one I have to remember that one...
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Re: jokes

Postby rmartz » Mon Feb 16, 2015 6:54 pm

Sometimes the Iron Fist wonders why I am laughing so hard.

Image

It is also hard to be yelling at my kids while I am laughing so hard. So stop it!! They think I am teasing them!
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