jokes

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albrat

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Re: jokes

Postby albrat » Wed Nov 25, 2015 8:02 am

Wife : "Go to the shops and get a bottle of milk, If they have Eggs get 6."

I return with 6 bottles of milk.

Wife : "why do you have 6 bottles of milk?????"

ME : "They had eggs"
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davh62

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Re: jokes

Postby davh62 » Mon Dec 14, 2015 10:22 pm

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he did not have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked. "Yes, he is right here in my golf bag."
"Could I see him?"
He opened his golf bag and out popped the genie. The friend turned to the genie and said,
"I am a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said.
"I wish for a million bucks!"
The genie hopped back into the golf bag and left him standing there waiting for his wish to be delivered.
Suddenly the sky began to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead was heard.
The friend turned to his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"
"I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"
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Re: jokes

Postby rmartz » Wed Jan 06, 2016 6:28 pm

I love the h2o one. I wish I would have thought of that in school.

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Re: jokes

Postby rmartz » Sun May 08, 2016 1:24 pm

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I think I am funnier than I really am.
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raw1990

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Re: jokes

Postby raw1990 » Sun May 08, 2016 4:06 pm

Give a man a fish , he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he sits in a boat and drinks beer all day.
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Re: jokes

Postby davh62 » Wed May 11, 2016 7:28 am

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters U.F.O. printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object? The alien answered, No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!

sorry its droll
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Re: jokes

Postby raw1990 » Thu May 12, 2016 1:53 pm

davh62 wrote:A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters U.F.O. printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object? The alien answered, No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!

sorry its droll


lol ! in the spirit of Ascent! :D
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Re: jokes

Postby davh62 » Mon May 23, 2016 3:54 pm

After the Americans went to the Moon, the Soviets announced that they would be sending a man to the Sun.
The engineers objected. "If you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!"
"What do you think I am, stupid?" he replied. "We'll send him at night!"


sorry they're getting worse lol
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Re: jokes

Postby rmartz » Tue May 24, 2016 12:11 am

***Warning!***
These jokes come from a "Space" joke book we just uncovered at home.

Why did the spaceman wear a football helmet when he landed on the moon?
Because he was making a touchdown.

How do aliens tie up spacemen?
With astro-knots.

Why do spacemen make terrible boxers?
Because they are always seeing stars.

What do you call glactic poetry?
Uni-verse.

How fast does a scared spaceman travel?
At the speed of fright.

What's a spaceman's favorite way to take medicine?
In capsules.

What's another name for a dog star?
A sun spot.

If athletes get athletes' foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile-toe.

Is gravity beautiful?
Yes. It is very attractive.

What do you call an unhappy space transmitter?
a sad-ellite.

I actually skipped the bad ones. :o
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Re: jokes

Postby raw1990 » Tue May 24, 2016 9:04 pm

davh62 wrote:After the Americans went to the Moon, the Soviets announced that they would be sending a man to the Sun.
The engineers objected. "If you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!"
"What do you think I am, stupid?" he replied. "We'll send him at night!"


sorry they're getting worse lol


hahahahahahahaha
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